4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
