I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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