There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
