2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
