im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
