Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
