He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
