I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
