oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
