I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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