Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
