youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
