put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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