I CAN MOONWALK!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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