He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
