i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
