I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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