I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
