I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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