community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
