Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
