New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
