he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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