Your tits are I can't wait for
i think i have herpe
just one?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
