You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
