drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
