it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
