Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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