she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
