You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
