You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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