In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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