She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
