Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
