Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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