U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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