Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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