I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
