and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
