I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
whose ass print is on the piano?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
