i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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