i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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