remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
