It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
