hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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