I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
