You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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