I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
