Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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