Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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