after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
