You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
