$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
