Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
