haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
