Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
