Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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