now i know why i became what i already was.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
