I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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