I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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