Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
