STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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