roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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