Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
