the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
