omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
