he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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