I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
