So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
