I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize