A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
