you mean i was at the winter classic?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
